Poor ray, he just cant catch a break...he either wants me to hold him or wants to sleep. Looks like hes just tooo awake to sleep. Poor thing he needs to take his nap, doesnt help that yesterday he got thrown off his schedule a bit due to "daddy" being home.
Last night (totally last minute) the sister in-law invites us to dinner with marks dad and brothers... Nice thought right, my question is why did they invite us last minute? If they had said something like i dunno 3 days ago we would have made sure that we had the funds to go. SO of course mark and ray went and me and the kids stayed home. But im glad i didnt go, the resturant they went to was nasty. They call themselfs a mexican resturant but to food is faaaaaar from it.
Not much really going on, looking forward to rays cake! Iceing smiles is going to help us out with it and im sooo thankful for that. Hope his party is fun for him (yes i know he will only be 1) but HE HAS BEEN WITH US FOR A YEAR!!! That means sooo much to me. I love him sooo much, and im so thankfull that hes about to make it to that 12 month mark!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Weekend Mess
This morning is very emotional. My daughter woke up at 4am sick, and still is now. Had a dreadful time at my sister in-laws daughters birthday party yesterday. Contractions everyday, just trying to make sure i remember to get the kids homework done everyday has turned into a task for me.
Lets start with the party....
I was well not hounded but essentially hounded about if me and the kids were going to make it to the party on saturday. #1, im due in 6-8 weeks. Iv been contracting since the 18th of august. My hips hurt, which i understand is normal in pregnancy but sitting hurts, driving hurts, standing to long hurts...this isnt normal pregnancy hip pain. #2, ray and i just got over being sick. Its not fun toting a lil heart baby around right after hes been sick, i was watching everyone like a hawk making sure no one was sneezing, coughing, or any little hands (lots of kids there) were going to try and touch him. I dont think anyone realizes the extra steps that i need (or other heart moms) take to make sure he stays as healthy as possible. They see it as being over protective, obsessive, anal, crazy even. And it pisses me off that they act that way cuz if it was their child they would be the same way. Yet there i was, out in gods country (we were in the sticks people), with ray, ebony, and kai. Soon as we got up there my first question was, how high up in elevation were we?? No one told me it was UP there, i would have brought raidens tylenol. Hes never been that high up and my worry was him getting a migraine. He thankfully didnt get a migraine but he did turn a bit blue and i was livid about that. I thought that marks bro and sis-in-law were going to greet us (maybe help me unload my stroller) once we got there...nope nothing. Just strange people looking at us as we parked and the kids and his grand-ma we out the van to the shade...which left me to unloading raiden getting his stroller out, getting the blankets out, and getting my 7lb diaper bag out all alone. I know what your thinkin suck it up dont you do that alone anyways....yes i do. The difference was i was having contractions which i know people had to have noticed, it was 103 and i was panting like a shaggy dog out in the heat. No one, and i mean NO ONE offered to help in any way. Which that i can get over...no big deal cuz yes i do this everyday without help...its the fact that no one offered (within the hartley fam) that ticks me off. We got there probly round 12:45ish, by 1:45pm i look down at ray and he is beat red. I made every effot to keep him in the shade, then realize we are the only ones outside..were told to bring chairs cuz there wasnt enough seating, EVERYONE WAS IN THE HOUSE IN THE AC!!!! There were maybe 5 people of the 50 that were there (that number too i believe was exaggerated since i think there might have been only 25 there). It was just a bad day overall.
So at 3am i wake up to see ebony looking over me as i slept...i swear she is creepy!!! lol But i tell her to go back to bed...then at 4am i hear her in the bathroom throwing up....HERE WE GO, I hope that she didnt get food poisoning...but if she had kai and i would have gotten it too...we all ate the same stuff.... then again she was in and out of the house so i didnt see everything she snacked on. Kai is still sleep and i put ray in the room with mark so that i could sanitize the kids bathroom after ebony. Oy, it just never ends, and by all means im not complaining about ebony being sick...i cant stand them getting sick and me not knowing why or how they got sick. Especially since i doubt she would be feeling this way if we hadnt gone to the party...i truly believe she got sick from something she may have had there. But you just never know...so now im on OCD cleaning mode so that kai, RAIDEN, mark and myself dont get whatever it is that ebony has.
My mom sent me a text last night letting me know that my dad is doing much better. Hopefully soon he will be able to come home from the hospital. That has taken an emotion toll on me as well, but i just dont talk about it...i cant its just to hard. Of all things for my dad to have gotten on top of his Parkinson's is cancer...really like our family hasnt gone threw enough. 3 years ago my aunt died of cancer...almost a year ago raiden was born with half a heart, then the news of dad, and now me worrying over wyatt and praying that he is heart healthy.... Im spread thin and trying very hard not to loose it. My once tightly bound rope of self is starting to gray and im in great need of re-braiding, and dont know where to go to get that help. All i can do is vent here and pray for the best of my sanity. Today we also remember 9/11. Im still saddened by what happened, the families that were destroyed by such senseless acts of hate. Just so sad. Guess im going to be a emotional mess today. Hope the family can brace themselves for it lol and that ebony gets better.
Lets start with the party....
I was well not hounded but essentially hounded about if me and the kids were going to make it to the party on saturday. #1, im due in 6-8 weeks. Iv been contracting since the 18th of august. My hips hurt, which i understand is normal in pregnancy but sitting hurts, driving hurts, standing to long hurts...this isnt normal pregnancy hip pain. #2, ray and i just got over being sick. Its not fun toting a lil heart baby around right after hes been sick, i was watching everyone like a hawk making sure no one was sneezing, coughing, or any little hands (lots of kids there) were going to try and touch him. I dont think anyone realizes the extra steps that i need (or other heart moms) take to make sure he stays as healthy as possible. They see it as being over protective, obsessive, anal, crazy even. And it pisses me off that they act that way cuz if it was their child they would be the same way. Yet there i was, out in gods country (we were in the sticks people), with ray, ebony, and kai. Soon as we got up there my first question was, how high up in elevation were we?? No one told me it was UP there, i would have brought raidens tylenol. Hes never been that high up and my worry was him getting a migraine. He thankfully didnt get a migraine but he did turn a bit blue and i was livid about that. I thought that marks bro and sis-in-law were going to greet us (maybe help me unload my stroller) once we got there...nope nothing. Just strange people looking at us as we parked and the kids and his grand-ma we out the van to the shade...which left me to unloading raiden getting his stroller out, getting the blankets out, and getting my 7lb diaper bag out all alone. I know what your thinkin suck it up dont you do that alone anyways....yes i do. The difference was i was having contractions which i know people had to have noticed, it was 103 and i was panting like a shaggy dog out in the heat. No one, and i mean NO ONE offered to help in any way. Which that i can get over...no big deal cuz yes i do this everyday without help...its the fact that no one offered (within the hartley fam) that ticks me off. We got there probly round 12:45ish, by 1:45pm i look down at ray and he is beat red. I made every effot to keep him in the shade, then realize we are the only ones outside..were told to bring chairs cuz there wasnt enough seating, EVERYONE WAS IN THE HOUSE IN THE AC!!!! There were maybe 5 people of the 50 that were there (that number too i believe was exaggerated since i think there might have been only 25 there). It was just a bad day overall.
So at 3am i wake up to see ebony looking over me as i slept...i swear she is creepy!!! lol But i tell her to go back to bed...then at 4am i hear her in the bathroom throwing up....HERE WE GO, I hope that she didnt get food poisoning...but if she had kai and i would have gotten it too...we all ate the same stuff.... then again she was in and out of the house so i didnt see everything she snacked on. Kai is still sleep and i put ray in the room with mark so that i could sanitize the kids bathroom after ebony. Oy, it just never ends, and by all means im not complaining about ebony being sick...i cant stand them getting sick and me not knowing why or how they got sick. Especially since i doubt she would be feeling this way if we hadnt gone to the party...i truly believe she got sick from something she may have had there. But you just never know...so now im on OCD cleaning mode so that kai, RAIDEN, mark and myself dont get whatever it is that ebony has.
My mom sent me a text last night letting me know that my dad is doing much better. Hopefully soon he will be able to come home from the hospital. That has taken an emotion toll on me as well, but i just dont talk about it...i cant its just to hard. Of all things for my dad to have gotten on top of his Parkinson's is cancer...really like our family hasnt gone threw enough. 3 years ago my aunt died of cancer...almost a year ago raiden was born with half a heart, then the news of dad, and now me worrying over wyatt and praying that he is heart healthy.... Im spread thin and trying very hard not to loose it. My once tightly bound rope of self is starting to gray and im in great need of re-braiding, and dont know where to go to get that help. All i can do is vent here and pray for the best of my sanity. Today we also remember 9/11. Im still saddened by what happened, the families that were destroyed by such senseless acts of hate. Just so sad. Guess im going to be a emotional mess today. Hope the family can brace themselves for it lol and that ebony gets better.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
6-9 weeks and im stressing out!!
So much going on and so little time! Im glad that wyatt is almost here, but why does it seem that the closer his date gets here the busier I get! What the world?!
Have two play dates lined up with kai and ray in the next couple weeks. A birthday party next weekend :( one of the play dates is the day before the birthday....and im getting hounded to see if im going (to the bday party) #1, im due in 6-9weeks!!! Why would you expect me to go to a huge party with all three of the kids without my man to help me out??? Sure his dad is going to be there, but hes 400 somethin pounds and in no shape to help coral the kids. Yet i know at the end of the day im going to be the in-law thats not nice, that does nothing with the family....seriously they are killing me (just this particular part of the fam not everyone just one set). Maybe its not my fault for not voicing every little pain that iv had to them. Maybe im looking to deep into this and they arent trying to act that way....but i know them and i just dont want drama.
I like being a home-body and not dealing with family dramma. To me if im not there then i dont have to hear about whats going on or whos doing what or not doing what. I have so much going with ebony and school, kai and school, raiden and making sure i schedule his feeds and meds and naps, and on top of all that i NEED to remember to feed myself. I love my life, i love being a mom and making sure that everything i do is for my kids and my family... but i feel that others (family of either side) have it soooo easy when they dont have kids or have just one or two. And what pisses me off the most is that they complain about how stressful their life is, how they cant do this or that cuz they are so busy...yet iv got 3 going on 4 kids and im able to get so much done, and only complain when i have more than 4 contractions in my day and my hips literally feel like they are going to fall off my body.
Tonight i was able to make enchiladas from scratch the kids fed, pretty here soon im going to get their homework started and then all 3 of them bathed and in bed by 8/8:30. Why i still find time to do school projects and help out elsewhere and do play dates is beyond me. Today i was told by a mom (jokingly and not serious) that i was making them all look bad since i volunteer for Kai's class. Sure i dont do work at the school cuz of ray but i take stuff home occasionally and get it done from the time i drop him off to when i need to get him. Im not overachieving i feel i have a obligation to show that i too have a interest in the kids school. They do learn by example.
I know im ranting these are things that i havent had a chance to get off my chest....to those that read thank you so much for continuing to read. On another hand im looking forward to the 29th of this month, i go back for another ultrasound for wyatt to make sure that all is still well with wyatt's heart. Love LOVE Love my family :)
Have two play dates lined up with kai and ray in the next couple weeks. A birthday party next weekend :( one of the play dates is the day before the birthday....and im getting hounded to see if im going (to the bday party) #1, im due in 6-9weeks!!! Why would you expect me to go to a huge party with all three of the kids without my man to help me out??? Sure his dad is going to be there, but hes 400 somethin pounds and in no shape to help coral the kids. Yet i know at the end of the day im going to be the in-law thats not nice, that does nothing with the family....seriously they are killing me (just this particular part of the fam not everyone just one set). Maybe its not my fault for not voicing every little pain that iv had to them. Maybe im looking to deep into this and they arent trying to act that way....but i know them and i just dont want drama.
I like being a home-body and not dealing with family dramma. To me if im not there then i dont have to hear about whats going on or whos doing what or not doing what. I have so much going with ebony and school, kai and school, raiden and making sure i schedule his feeds and meds and naps, and on top of all that i NEED to remember to feed myself. I love my life, i love being a mom and making sure that everything i do is for my kids and my family... but i feel that others (family of either side) have it soooo easy when they dont have kids or have just one or two. And what pisses me off the most is that they complain about how stressful their life is, how they cant do this or that cuz they are so busy...yet iv got 3 going on 4 kids and im able to get so much done, and only complain when i have more than 4 contractions in my day and my hips literally feel like they are going to fall off my body.
Tonight i was able to make enchiladas from scratch the kids fed, pretty here soon im going to get their homework started and then all 3 of them bathed and in bed by 8/8:30. Why i still find time to do school projects and help out elsewhere and do play dates is beyond me. Today i was told by a mom (jokingly and not serious) that i was making them all look bad since i volunteer for Kai's class. Sure i dont do work at the school cuz of ray but i take stuff home occasionally and get it done from the time i drop him off to when i need to get him. Im not overachieving i feel i have a obligation to show that i too have a interest in the kids school. They do learn by example.
I know im ranting these are things that i havent had a chance to get off my chest....to those that read thank you so much for continuing to read. On another hand im looking forward to the 29th of this month, i go back for another ultrasound for wyatt to make sure that all is still well with wyatt's heart. Love LOVE Love my family :)
Friday, September 2, 2011
Hip Pains
Being sick stinks. Being sick while pregnant is even worse. Feel bad that i had to keep the kids in from school cuz i feel soo bad. Yesterday my hips hurt so bad that it was painful to walk, sit, drive....even laying down hurt. I was able to talk with my dr and even he doesnt know why my hips hurt. Baby is good, nothing wrong with him...so i guess its my bodys way of saying stop. My hips still hurt today but not as bad as yesterday, tho if i move the wrong way i feel like i might fall over. Plus i got a cold or something..so i feel misserable. Sneezing hurts, coughing hurts....im so done with being pregnant. Cant wait for Wyatt to get here and i can have my body back.
I know that having two infants will be tough but it would be easier to deal with all the kids while my body is kinda back to normal. Slept from 6pm till 4am this morning. I feel i could still sleep right now :(
I know that having two infants will be tough but it would be easier to deal with all the kids while my body is kinda back to normal. Slept from 6pm till 4am this morning. I feel i could still sleep right now :(
Sunday, August 28, 2011
ITs going to be a long day!
Its 4am on a sunday. I woke up at 3am. Dont think that my hips like my laying down anymore :( I need to clean the house marks dad, and grandma are coming up to say happy birthday to him...he didnt get to do anything last week cuz he had to work. I felt bad but seeing how i just started the whole "celebrating birthday" thing like 5 years ago it was that big a deal to me...that and iv only ever had 1or2 parties anyways.
Yesterday i ordered marks cake, a chocolate cake with raspberry filling. And so that hes kinda surprised white butter cream on the outside....again so hes surprised. Looking forward to the cake! lol And food, just dont know what food im going to serve yet hahaha
But here I am before i clean, need to wake up a bit first. One cup of coffee down and a whole house to clean LOL Raiden slept basically all night, hes still in bed. I closed the door so that if he wakes up mark gets to deal with him LOL I do have the monitor on so if it sounds like mark isnt going to wake up i can go in there! haha
What i feel is funny is that i have all this time, well just a few hours, but iv got the tv on and theres nothing to watch but cartoons :( what have i turned into LOL Id watch true blood but im worried that one of the kids would walk in on it while im cleaning....maybe a music channel..... we shall see :D
OFF to cleaning!!
Yesterday i ordered marks cake, a chocolate cake with raspberry filling. And so that hes kinda surprised white butter cream on the outside....again so hes surprised. Looking forward to the cake! lol And food, just dont know what food im going to serve yet hahaha
But here I am before i clean, need to wake up a bit first. One cup of coffee down and a whole house to clean LOL Raiden slept basically all night, hes still in bed. I closed the door so that if he wakes up mark gets to deal with him LOL I do have the monitor on so if it sounds like mark isnt going to wake up i can go in there! haha
What i feel is funny is that i have all this time, well just a few hours, but iv got the tv on and theres nothing to watch but cartoons :( what have i turned into LOL Id watch true blood but im worried that one of the kids would walk in on it while im cleaning....maybe a music channel..... we shall see :D
OFF to cleaning!!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Just Stressed
I am retaining to many emotions right now and dont have a good outlet for them at all. Not sure if i will be able to keep up my happy face for long. Might be time to crawl in my hole and not come out for a few...maybe till after wyatts born. I told mark last night that im praying so hard that there is nothing wrong with him, i feel that i cant take anymore stress right now. Feel like just one more thing will make me break down. I know he feels helpless and he tries to help me out as much as he can, but hes a man and with how much he works he can only do so much.
The kids are doing good in school. More so kai. Im sooo proud of him, he sits in the front of class and listens to his teacher. Then there is ebony lol, she was moved to the front of class becuase she couldnt focus while in the back. Im having a hard time with her additude and am ready to beat it out of her LOL. She used to be my easy kid...now she has my additude that i had back when i was in middle school! And raiden....raiden raiden raiden...please child let me stand up and walk across the room without you screaming and hollerin at me cuz i want to go potty, clean the kitchen, or heaven forbid to fix my pants just to sit back down. I know he was going to go threw seperation anxioty but good lord its ten fold right now.
The kids are doing good in school. More so kai. Im sooo proud of him, he sits in the front of class and listens to his teacher. Then there is ebony lol, she was moved to the front of class becuase she couldnt focus while in the back. Im having a hard time with her additude and am ready to beat it out of her LOL. She used to be my easy kid...now she has my additude that i had back when i was in middle school! And raiden....raiden raiden raiden...please child let me stand up and walk across the room without you screaming and hollerin at me cuz i want to go potty, clean the kitchen, or heaven forbid to fix my pants just to sit back down. I know he was going to go threw seperation anxioty but good lord its ten fold right now.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Overdoing it, and still not enough!
I am having a blast with the kids going to school! And im soooo glad that they are loving being in school! Yesterday i got the wonderfull awakening of my husband being upset that our account was overdrawn. I understand the frustration, but seriously pissy over 6$. Anyways (so making this a long story short) Because of the way he left home, I became very upset and cleaned like a mad woman...or a pregnant mad woman LOL Moved my room around, have ebonys room to do. Made a awesome salmon dinner last night for the family, and when mark got home he was perfectly fine. I seriously hate men!! lol How do you make me feel like crap, and i feel this way all day, and your over it in like a hour and come home like nothing ever happend. I swear men you need a wake up call. If you have a hormonal pregnant wife/girlfriend/or whatever- you dont get in a argument or just a more heated talk than normal, dont leave letting us think your mad alllllll day. Give us a call so we know things are cool, or a text that implies it (cuz we all know how hard it is to read text sometimes).
So this morning im sore allll over but glad i got what i was able to done yesterday. I still have a lot to do seeing how i found 4 more boxes in the back closet full of clothes. Im not just going to put them away they smell like box! lol I was able to get 6 or 8 loads done yesterday. We will see what i get done today think i might make this a lazy day LOL
So this morning im sore allll over but glad i got what i was able to done yesterday. I still have a lot to do seeing how i found 4 more boxes in the back closet full of clothes. Im not just going to put them away they smell like box! lol I was able to get 6 or 8 loads done yesterday. We will see what i get done today think i might make this a lazy day LOL
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