This morning is very emotional. My daughter woke up at 4am sick, and still is now. Had a dreadful time at my sister in-laws daughters birthday party yesterday. Contractions everyday, just trying to make sure i remember to get the kids homework done everyday has turned into a task for me.
Lets start with the party....
I was well not hounded but essentially hounded about if me and the kids were going to make it to the party on saturday. #1, im due in 6-8 weeks. Iv been contracting since the 18th of august. My hips hurt, which i understand is normal in pregnancy but sitting hurts, driving hurts, standing to long hurts...this isnt normal pregnancy hip pain. #2, ray and i just got over being sick. Its not fun toting a lil heart baby around right after hes been sick, i was watching everyone like a hawk making sure no one was sneezing, coughing, or any little hands (lots of kids there) were going to try and touch him. I dont think anyone realizes the extra steps that i need (or other heart moms) take to make sure he stays as healthy as possible. They see it as being over protective, obsessive, anal, crazy even. And it pisses me off that they act that way cuz if it was their child they would be the same way. Yet there i was, out in gods country (we were in the sticks people), with ray, ebony, and kai. Soon as we got up there my first question was, how high up in elevation were we?? No one told me it was UP there, i would have brought raidens tylenol. Hes never been that high up and my worry was him getting a migraine. He thankfully didnt get a migraine but he did turn a bit blue and i was livid about that. I thought that marks bro and sis-in-law were going to greet us (maybe help me unload my stroller) once we got there...nope nothing. Just strange people looking at us as we parked and the kids and his grand-ma we out the van to the shade...which left me to unloading raiden getting his stroller out, getting the blankets out, and getting my 7lb diaper bag out all alone. I know what your thinkin suck it up dont you do that alone anyways....yes i do. The difference was i was having contractions which i know people had to have noticed, it was 103 and i was panting like a shaggy dog out in the heat. No one, and i mean NO ONE offered to help in any way. Which that i can get over...no big deal cuz yes i do this everyday without help...its the fact that no one offered (within the hartley fam) that ticks me off. We got there probly round 12:45ish, by 1:45pm i look down at ray and he is beat red. I made every effot to keep him in the shade, then realize we are the only ones outside..were told to bring chairs cuz there wasnt enough seating, EVERYONE WAS IN THE HOUSE IN THE AC!!!! There were maybe 5 people of the 50 that were there (that number too i believe was exaggerated since i think there might have been only 25 there). It was just a bad day overall.
So at 3am i wake up to see ebony looking over me as i slept...i swear she is creepy!!! lol But i tell her to go back to bed...then at 4am i hear her in the bathroom throwing up....HERE WE GO, I hope that she didnt get food poisoning...but if she had kai and i would have gotten it too...we all ate the same stuff.... then again she was in and out of the house so i didnt see everything she snacked on. Kai is still sleep and i put ray in the room with mark so that i could sanitize the kids bathroom after ebony. Oy, it just never ends, and by all means im not complaining about ebony being sick...i cant stand them getting sick and me not knowing why or how they got sick. Especially since i doubt she would be feeling this way if we hadnt gone to the party...i truly believe she got sick from something she may have had there. But you just never know...so now im on OCD cleaning mode so that kai, RAIDEN, mark and myself dont get whatever it is that ebony has.
My mom sent me a text last night letting me know that my dad is doing much better. Hopefully soon he will be able to come home from the hospital. That has taken an emotion toll on me as well, but i just dont talk about it...i cant its just to hard. Of all things for my dad to have gotten on top of his Parkinson's is cancer...really like our family hasnt gone threw enough. 3 years ago my aunt died of cancer...almost a year ago raiden was born with half a heart, then the news of dad, and now me worrying over wyatt and praying that he is heart healthy.... Im spread thin and trying very hard not to loose it. My once tightly bound rope of self is starting to gray and im in great need of re-braiding, and dont know where to go to get that help. All i can do is vent here and pray for the best of my sanity. Today we also remember 9/11. Im still saddened by what happened, the families that were destroyed by such senseless acts of hate. Just so sad. Guess im going to be a emotional mess today. Hope the family can brace themselves for it lol and that ebony gets better.
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