Painfuly Long

I know, I know it has been way to long since i have updated my blog. I hate not finishing something iv started and thats what im determind to do.

Raiden is doing AWESOME! He is still gaining 20-30 grams a day. He weighed 12lbs 10oz this morning! His ox levels have dropped but its nothing to worry about. On March 9th we schedule his heart cathider!! Im excited and nerveous all at the same time.

I caught the stomach flu from my wonderful husband, who caught it from kai, who caught it from ebony, who got it at school. (dont ya love how that works) And of course in true fashion i got it the worst out of everyone!! Poor ray had to deal with me being sick and mark was working. Thank goodness ebony had the week off from school so i didnt have to worry about taking her to school. Im mostly thankful that so far raiden hasnt gotten sick. I think i would just die if he got sick.

Im looking forward to this weekend. Grocery shopping is something that i love to do. But this time im going to have a better game plan for when we go. I made a schedule for the family with our chores...im hoping that we will be able to stick to it and help keep us better organized.

I want to start cooking more foods home made than going out..something that has been happening a lot the past 2 weeks. I like how fast it is but hate spending the money when i know we can make food that taste so much better.

I think my biggest worry right now (besides raiden's surgery) is if my hubby got his promotion or not. He had a interview 2 weeks ago for a general manager in training position. The first interview went great, out of 4 canidates he was the only one that passed. Then this past monday he had a second interview and we still have yet to hear how that went. Its making me nervous becuase we need this! And they have done this to him before, offered and said he had a promotion then he never got it. Sigh....hope this works out...we need a bigger place. Especially if we are going to try for a girl....dear lord did i say that out loud????

Feburary 1st 2011

Today is the start of CHD Awareness! Its also Black History month!! What a month we are going to have. I was able to get in contack with Mended Little Hearts and will start going to monthly meetings with familys coping with CHD in their families. Its going to feel so good to be around other parents and adults with a CHD/CHD child. Seeing and hearing what they have and are going threw is going to be encouraging and so upbuilding. I cant wait! And i was able to get the great idea from them and making Raidens cardiologyst a gift basket..a thank you for the hard work that they do in helping keep our heart babies healthy! I love his cardis!! Starting the today im going to make a diffrent treat for the month of feb. ♥ cant wait to see how this turns out!!

January 29th

Taxes are done, and now we just have to wait on them. We will be able to pay up on all our bills as well as paying our rent a few months in advance! Im so looking forward to it! I feel like things are starting a new, and all is going to be ok. Raiden is eating 4-6oz every 3 hours, ebony is about to graduate kindergarten, and kai well kai is kai lol. Our family is doing great right now!

January 26th

How many times does one need to tell a 6 and 4 year old to clean their room?? Im sick of asking all day! Sigh and then when i take the time to clean it they dont say thank you, and its worse within a hour. Wonder what can be done to help them understand that they need to help clean their room. Need new techniques on how to discipline with out them rebelling. Ebony is almost a lost cause...screams and crys every time i ask if she can go clean her room.

On the upside, they are having a blast helping take care of their brother. What stinks is that Kai has been sick like 4 times since raiden has been born.. not sure if one of those was bad allergies but its rare for him to get sick this many times. Poor thing he loves being around his brother too, and now he cant be close.

Ebony looks like she is excited but really she wants to hold him and give him back LOL she loves her brother but she has "Been there done that" lol

January 25th

Happy 3 Month Birthday Raiden!!! You light up my life and every day you make me more proud and more blessed that im your mother.
With that said i have a new idea for a tattoo for him. My first idea was a combination of all three of the kids names but their meanings. So ebony, kai, and raiden would translate into a picture of the ocean at night with lightning...still working on designs for it and a place for it to go. But my most recent thought is his footprint either on my chest near my heart, or someplace else..not sure yet.
Today we ventured out to the mall...had to do our taxes. And what a great trip that was! Not only will we be getting a ok amount back, i was able to window shop for myself and the kids! I cant wait too a sling and new clothes for raiden, and new shoes and some clothes for the kids!
And what do i get!? A brand new wardrobe! When i became pregnant with raiden i was 210Lbs!!! The heavist i have ever been in my life! Right now i am 180! I lost 30lbs just having him!!! I still have a ways to go but right now only tank tops and 1 pair of jeans fits me right now. So i get to go shopping for myself and it feels good seeing how its been a long time since iv shopped just for me.

Skipping A Few Days or Weeks..

Trying to find the motivation to get things done is so hard... but i want to do sooo much. I would love to decorate our apartment but alas we are hoping to move out soon. So here i am looking at things to make our new place cute and our own...no we dont know where we are going, but i like to think about what it would look like. Thinking of ways to decorate help me escape the perils from the day, like finding out that our SSI application after 31 days still hasnt been processed. One of those times when being on hold for over 20minutes really makes a person want to break their phone.
And in other news i found out that my birth controll was the culprate to why my supply started dwindlling away. So obviously its condoms or no sex..well so far its the latter. We are just to scared to do anything cuz we dont want to have a 4th child right now. Maybe when raiden is in school but deff not right now.

The perils of Pumping

When i had my daughter we tried nursing. Because she is tonge tied it made it difficult to latch on. Once that was determined the reason for her inability to nurse i was given the option to pump. I remember it like it was yesterday (you never forget your first time hehe) my mother and i were sitting in the lactaion office at the hospital. The consultant came in with the pump. Got me all hooked up, and wouldnt you know it i screamed at her soon as she turned it on!! haha I was embarassed and mad all at the same time. I was also young and dumb and swore i wasnt doing that again. When my daughter turned 5months i found out i was pregnant with her brother...4 months later i was put to the test yet once again. Thankfully he wasnt tonge tied. He tried to nurse but my milk hadnt come in untill 4 days after he was born. By that time he was used to the bottle..so i didnt even try.
When i became pregnant with Raiden my husband was adimit about his son nursing. For my love for him i said we can at least try. Little did we know that he was going to be born with HLHS. Once he was stable in the PICU i made myself pump..i kept telling myself that this was for the health of my son, and that he needed my milk more than formula and it was going to help him get strong and healthy. (might be why i over produced too) I felt and still feel like im a milk factory! My supply has gone down within this last week, and im trying every natural way of getting my supply back. Its never fun having maintenance men working on your apartment and screwing with your schedule..but its a thousand times worse when you need to pump or nurse your baby. I could have put a note on the door telling them to come back in 45 min, but i know the work would never had gotten done. I also could have just nursed him and had a blanket over him...but im way to conscious of myself to do that with strange men walking in and out of my house.
But now im back on track..and have to remember that i HAVE to wake up at least once in the middle of the night to pump and then to pump ever 3 hours max. With a kindergarten and a  4yr old its hard doing that every 3 hours. I dont think my stress right now is helping any either. I drink close to a gallon of water a day some days more, and i will admit i have a addiction to caffeine. I have to have at least one diet pepsi in my day and a cup of coffee.  I just dont feel complete without those. Its hard but i have to do it to keep my lil guy strong.